Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
