i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
