I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
