Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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