i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
