First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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