It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
