..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
