Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
