Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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