Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
