The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
