Kareoke will never be a sober sport
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
