she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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