She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.