Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)