i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
