Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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