I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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