I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
