Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
