honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
