Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
