your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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