Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
