ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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