apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
