Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
