Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
