for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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