A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
