just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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