I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
