my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
