I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The ass gains better be worth it
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