There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
