Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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