so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
