Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
