she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
