there's paper in my vomit.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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