Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Couch. On fire.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize