I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize