Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
