For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
