I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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