shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
