FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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