I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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