i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
