That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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