Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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