drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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