I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
