This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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