Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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