She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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