ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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