I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
this is an emotional support booty call
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
