so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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