just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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