I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
