we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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