Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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