My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
