sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have fence marks all over my body
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
