it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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