they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
